Sunday, December 31

Target and the truffles of Poo!

Piko de Gallo and I set off to Target the day after Christmas (Boxing Day to you Librarian!) to buy some cheap wrapping paper and spend some of the Grandma cash she got. Our neighborhood (emphasis on the "hood" part) Target is rarely crowded and we easily found parking and lots and lots of wrapping paper. However the toy department was almost competely wiped out!! Piko de Gallo was a little dissapointed, but she managed to find a Polly Pocket set that she had on her Christmas wishlist.

I on the other hand was delighted to find that select Choxie products were 50% off!!

Oh the joy! I picked out some lovely dark chocolate truffles.

Dark chocolate truffles!! YUM!! 50% off, I can get two boxes!

All is good and I get everything home, put everything away, and open the box.


A box full of delicious chocolate poo!

Needless to say I had to eat them all before they grossed me out too much.

Wednesday, December 27

Super Spectacular Update!!

I have convinced Piko de Gallo to update her vocabulary, replacing "Tushie" with "TOCKS!!!"

Best. Kid. EVER!!

Thursday, December 21

My new favorite word


As in buttocks.

I said it today as Sarge and I were getting into the car on the way to the gym. I was having panty issues, and he mentioned that he does not have that problem with his undies. And I said, "So the whities stay firmly in the cheek crease of your 'tocks?"

It's been a long time since I've been able to make him laugh that hard. I shall have to now use that word at least ten times a day.

Thank you Cuteoveload for my new favorite word.

Other than panty issues, nothing. My life is just that boring.

Thursday, November 30

Donor Day Out

The Librarian was up from Virgina to spend Turkey Day with us, since she is my official turkey frying bitch. Friday morning after sleeping off our tryptophan high, we all ventured to the National Mall for some Air and Space Museum, and ice skating at the Sculpture Garden.

This day shall henceforth be known as "Donor Day Out" and this is why.

While we were waiting in line to buy our skating tickets, The Librarian fell into conversation with the lady that was in front of us. I was standing with The Librarian, Sarge was watching Piko de Gallo jump all over the rink's retaining wall. The lady that The Librarian is chatting with comments on Piko de Gallo's cuteness. Yes, she is darn cute! And then this gem emerges:

"She is so cute. Who's is she? Yours? (Directed at The Librarian), ALL of yours?"


This is all the more funny because at one point as we were walking arm in arm to the skating rink, The Librarian and I were joking that we looked like a lesbian couple spending time with our daughter and her bio-dad.
Poor Sarge, always a donor, never a lesbian.

Wednesday, November 22

Good dad!

After a half an hour dinner conversation about 5 year olds taking Ritalin, other assorted childhood misbehaviors, and the parents that cause them.

Sarge lets Piko de Gallo take her Sprite to bed.

Tuesday, November 21

I heart Mr. Darcy

I love me some Mr. Darcy!!!
I will watch Pride and Prejudice every single time it comes on TV.
I'm talking about the new one with Kiera Knightly. I have not seen the old version with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy, but I'm sure I'd love it too.

And, I'm seriously loving on the actor that played Mr. Darcy in the newest version.
Matthew MacFayden. HOT!!!!

So of course I had to Google him to see what else he has been in. However, seeing him out of character I was a little disappointed. He's still kind of cute, but in a puffy John Cusack sort of way.

But of course I'm still going to watch, because Mr. Darcy rocks!
The sad thing though is that if I buy the DVD, I'll never watch it. I am that lazy in my adoration.

Tuesday, November 7

Day 1

Today is Day 1 of Sarge's new "No Carb" diet.

What he ate today...

Breakfast: Egg omelet, Orange Juice.

Lunch: Burger King. Also known as "The Beginning Of The End".

Afternoon Snack: Green Tea, 2 Madeleines.

Dinner: Hamburger Patty, 50/50 White and Brown Rice, Sweet Potato with butter and brown sugar.

Dessert: 1 Ice pop. 5 Oreo cookies and a glass of milk.

Carbs 5. Sarge 0.

Friday, November 3


I forgot to write about Halloween.

All I have to say is that Piko de Gallo got rooked at the "Harvest Fest" on base.

It would seem that nobody appreciates homemade costumes anymore!

She won 4th in the costume contest. And it was really a non-prize. One of the ladies handing out the prizes was the only one that thought she should have won, and sneaked her a prize.

Granted she looked like she was going to work on the strip, but she was very cute.

Sorry about the creepy painted over face, but it is Sarge's only request about this blog, that I not post pictures of her face.

Look, I'm a Halloween costume snob. And I blame my Mom. I don't think that we ever left the house with a store bought costume. We either made our own with whatever we could find around the house, or Mom slaved away for a month and made us something special. I would like to do the same for Piko de Gallo too. We were at the "Harvest Fest" and there were several other mermaids there, but they were all the same. I like that Piko de Gallo had an original costume, and nobody else looked like her. I'm not saying that store bought costumes are bad, or that they all suck. I know that not everyone has the time or the inclination to make something every year, and I'm sure that when she gets older and wants something from the store, I'll cave and buy her something. For now I have the time to make costumes, and it's kind of fun for me.

Sure in the end she did not lose to another "Ariel", the winners were a zombie cheerleader, a witch, and a power ranger.

But after sewing about 500 sequins to that damn fish tale, and making 15 realistic clay shells to glue to that crown, I WOULD LIKE A LITTLE RECOGNITION!!!

"Today is not about you." Sarge had to remind me.

The best part about the night was as we were leaving for the "Fest", she was standing by the door petting her costume and saying "I look pretty! I look so pretty!"

Thursday, November 2

Sarge's New Diet

So at dinner tonight Sarge announced that next week he is going to go CARB FREE!


Sarge came back from his deployment a svelte 180lbs. He was going to the gym daily, swimming, and eating grilled chicken salads for dinner. Granted I was trying to foil his plans of weight loss by sending him chocolate chip cookies, twizzlers, marshmallow fluff, and creme crackers. He looked great when he got home, and don't get me wrong, he still looks great.

But since he has been home, we have gone to Maine, and I think I have mentioned before what a caloric nightmare that was. He has also not been going to the gym regularly, and he has been eating my home cooking. Like I said, Sarge still looks great, but he has gained about 10 lbs. And it's all on his belly. (I constantly tell him that it is all part of my evil plan to make him chubby so no other women look at him)

So back to the CARB FREE diet.

Now, I'm no fan of this, and I will not be participating. I will reduce the amount of carbs I will eat, but to me cutting them out entirely is just kind of crazy. I'm sure that he has not intentions to maintain that diet for the rest of his life, so this just smacks of "fad diet" to me. I guess he wants to lose the spare tire.

The rest of this week we will slide gently into this "diet" by cutting back on carbs, and then next week, he's going cold turkey.

I'm sure I'll be e-mailing The Librarian with questions like:

Is instant oatmeal a carb?

No really, is it?

Friday, October 27

Things That Make You Go...GAH$*&%##@!***!!BRAHSHSFF!

Well, not really, but kind of.

While Sarge is not exactly True Wife Confessions worthy, there are some things that he does that leave me wondering.

Exhibit A:
I guess someone could not find the small ziploc bags this morning. I know I'm crafty like that hiding them by placing them directly in front of the large ones!
I think that it's time that someone had a promotion from Sarge to CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS!!!

Exhibit B:
I find this every day when I wake up. Notice the hamper is not three feet away from the discarded shorts. This is actually not that bad because usually there are some undies and socks along with the shorts, and sometimes a t-shirt.
Sarge did actually explain this phenomenon to me later. He says that the stuff on the floor right next to the bed is stuff that he is going to wear later. It's not actually dirty. So all this time I have been picking up the clothes from the floor and putting it in the hamper. Sarge has been wondering where his "after work shorts" have absconded to, and I'm wondering why he uses so many pairs of underwear a week.

Granted I'm not perfect. I'm sure Sarge hates that I keep all my unfinished crossword puzzles filed in a pile next to the bed. And that I refuse to maintain his orderly shoe filing system in the hall closet, when I bother to put my shoes in there at all.

I guess we're even.

Thursday, October 26

Why I Am Mommy de Gallo

I used to be known as Piko's Mom. That's what all of Piko de Gallo's friends call me. However I never really thought about how Piko herself thinks of me. So, I asked her.

Hey, what's your name?

"Piko de Gallo!"

What's Daddy's name?

"RealFirstName de Gallo"

What's MY name?

"MOMMY de Gallo!!!"

Apparently I as a person have ceased to exist.
I am Mommy, Mommy am I.

Wednesday, October 25

Midweek Observation

I saw a commercial for a new show that Discovery Channel is putting on this season. It's called Man Vs. Wild. It's along the vein of Stranded, and Survivor Man. Guy gets dropped off in the wild with only the basics, and teaches you how to survive.

What I thought was really appealing about this new show is the host. Bear Grylls. Totty plus survival skill, YUM!

And then the more I saw of the show, I began to notice something.

Hot-cha-CHA! And I get to stare at him every week. Hopefully while sliding down a mountain his shirt will get ripped off or something equally exciting.

Sunday, October 22

Eye M Stoopid

So Sarge and I were driving around Fairfax yesterday after taking Piko de Gallo to the 18th Century Farm Market at the Claude Moore Colonial Farm (a strange but fun experience in and of itself)(Which is next to the George Bush Center for Intelligence!!! We laughed...and laughed....and then I had to stop, because of my own stupid). Sarge is applying for a job in NoVa, up near Dulles Airport, so we are toying with the idea of becomming first time home buyers. Sarge says he does not want to be 40 and never owned his own home. Me I'm content to live in whatever housing the military gives us. It's a whole comfort zone thing I guess.

Anyway, on to the stoopid.

I'm looking at the map and I ask in all seriousness.

"So, West Virginia. That's it's own state right?"

"YES!" Sarge replies. "Way to go college girl!"

In my defense, the map we have has a little map that says WESTERN Virginia.

Edited to add: Actually that justification makes me look even stupider as really, I should just know that West Virginia is a state.

Friday, October 20

The 20 Longest Minutes of My Life

Naturally a de Gallo trip to Maine can't all be good eatin' and crack.

There was the 20 minute ride to "The Island" (Bar Harbor). 20 minutes I will never get back. 20 minutes of brain cells dying a slow and painful death. 20 minutes of wishing I was in a room filled with people, being forced to remember names.

What could have been that bad?

I'll tell you.

A 20 minute conversation about the leaves turning.

So I'm not a country gal, but I can admire nature's beauty, and the loveliness of the season. I like the fall, I like the golden leaves. FABULOUS!! However, 20 minutes of talking about it can grate a tad.

And the participants in this conversation were not people who are not used to seeing this phenomenon (like me, I'm from Hawaii, the leaves never change there. On my first winter trip to the East I actually asked why there were so many dead trees. I failed to grasp the concept of leaves falling off for the winter.). These are East Coast lifers, people who have spent up to 80 years watching the leaves turn.

I'm just an ass, because these ladies were just trying to be nice, but my brain still melted.

Wednesday, October 18


There is something about Piko de Gallo that cracks me up (hur-hur).

Because she has no waist, her pants just will not stay up. And I think that we teased her a little too much about wearing her pants "like grandpa" that she tends to pull them low on her hips.

That killer combo leads to many incidences like this

Tuesday, October 17

A little lobster in my pot

Other than the lack of Starbucks, and over abundance of Dunkin' Doughnuts, Maine was pretty darn cool, fattening, but cool.

The in-laws have a new neighbor who is a (very hot, in that no collar, working class kind of way, plus he is a redhead.)lobster fisherman, and gets them their lobsters on the cheap, $3.50 a pound. Father in Law (FIL) decided that upon the glorious return of his golden boy son a lobster feast was in order. The man ordered 20 lbs of lobsters!! That's right, 20 lbs!!! That came out to about 22 lobsters. 22 lobsters for 5 adults and 2 children!! I think that I ended up eating about 3 tails and 1 whole body, and maybe 4 claws. With about 1/2 cup of butter of course. Surprisingly I did not get the lobster shits the next day.

Food at the in-laws (IL's) is just crazy. I feel like all we do when we go there is eat and eat some more. And that bastard Sarge introduced me to the wonders of fried dough at the Fryeburg fair. I had never heard of such a thing. Whenever we have gone to a county fair there has only been funnel cake, which I am not that big a fan of. But fried dough, it's heaven in hot oil. I was very excited to know that Sarge's grandmother makes a killer fried dough, and that she had plans to make some for us. I had my notepad at the ready to capture her secret recipe. I was a bit disappointed when she pulled a bag of store brand white bread dough out of the freezer. However I was not sad the next morning when she had the Crisco a bubbling and a slab of fried dough with butter, powdered sugar and cinnamon waiting on the counter for me. Deep fried heaven.

Eating out in Sarge's town is great as well. Only 5 minutes from his parent's house is Jordan's Snack Shop. They make the best chocolate shakes, crab rolls, crinkle fries, fish sandwiches, cheeseburgers, and onion strings. The past two times we have been to Maine it was Christmas, so Jordan's was closed. Lucky for us they were open until the end of October this year. And you know we were there just about every other day.

The day that we spent at the Freyburg Fair was a nutritional diaster. Other than the glasses of orange juice that we had for breakfast, we did not eat a single healthy thing. Fair food was the menu of the day. Pizza, Fried Dough, Kettle Corn, Ice Cream, Cotton Candy, Gyro's. My arteries are hardening just thinking about it. And then we went home and had a marshmallow roast to round the day out.

In the end the only member of our family who lost weight on our trip to Maine was the dog. Here she is having a swim at the IL's camp...brrrr that water was cold. Well, there would be a picture if I could get one to load.

Saturday, October 7


Well, I can report that there is no Starbucks in Ellsworth, Maine.

They do have Dunkin' Doughnuts, and one of those Coffee-On-The-Go drive thru shacks.

I'm just not that desperate. It's not like the in-laws don't have a working coffee maker, it's just that when they brew, it's usually a 2 Tbsp. grounds, to 12 cups water ratio. So I have to drink about 5 cups to get me through the morning, 10 cups if I know we're going to go a visitin', and if I really wanted to pee that much, I'd just drink tea. When I brew it up at home, my spoon practically stands up in my cup.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly a huge fan of Starbucks, it's a bit pricey for me, and I think I make a better cuppa at home. It's just one of those conveniences that I enjoy on occasion. I suppose that I could just go to McD's as they are now serving iced coffee. Probably much cheaper too. I guess to me a Starbucks on every corner is a symbol of civilization. Does that make me some kind of snob?

So I mentioned that Ellsworth has a Dunkin' Doughnuts. Well, every single little town and hamlet here in "Downeast" Maine has at least one, sometimes even two. I am serious. The first time I came to Maine 7 or 8 years ago, I made a joke that it's all pretty much the same. Each town is School, Main Street, Church, Dock, Blueberry field. Lather, rinse, repeat.

These days it's School, Church, Dunkin' Doughnuts, Main Street, Curves, Dock, Blueberry patch. I think Dunkin' Doughnuts and Curves have entered into some kind of evil covenant here in Maine. But by the looks of things around here Dunkin' Doughnuts is coming out ahead in this deal.

Tuesday, September 26

Sarge Sucks

Today I looked out the window and saw Sarge getting his new shopvac (The Librarian and I broke his old one vacuuming the dog) out of the shed. He mows, he rakes, he sweeps, he vacs. I look out about 15 minutes later and see him vacuuming Piko de Gallo's sandbox (he was just finishing up, so I couldn't get a picture).

You know, I realize he just came home from 6 months in the desert, but seriously?

He claims that he was getting leaves out, and he was too lazy to bend down to pick them up.


Saturday, September 23


This is the only movie I want to see next year. I probably wont get to see it in the theatre, but damn it all if I am going to try.

300 Trailer

The trailer is pretty awesome, and you can check out some of the production journals here or on YouTube (key words Frank Miller 300). I think that they have done an excellent job translating the Frank Miller graphic novel into a movie.

Double bonus points for David Wenham in leather pants.

Hi-ho-Hi-ho Off To Maine We Go

Sarge is packing up the minivan and driving us all up to Maine for a lovely fall family vacation. Yay.

In truth I am looking forward to going to Maine. It's beautiful, it's clean, the people are friendly, but holy crap is it far away. We don't go by plane, or bus, or train, we drive. All 15 hours, straight. People think that we are crazy, but we figure by the time that we have driven 10 hours, we're almost there so we may as well go the rest of the way. After making this trip at least 8 times in the past 5 years, we've finally invested in an EZPass and some audio books.

Maine is awesome. As I have said before it's beautiful, clean, and friendly. Sarge is from a town up north, or Downeast, or whatever the hell they say, called Ellsworth. It's between Bangor, and Bar Harbor, so it gets a lot of traffic during the summer. It's rather small, and the kind of "New Englandly" type place that you might imagine from a Stephen King novel. Sarge cant go to the Shop N' Save without running into some of the same guys he worked with 14 years ago. There are lobster pounds, blueberry patches, Church dinners, and a main street called "Main Street".

Every time we go there, it's drive through the town, point out the new traffic lights, drive by the "old" house, stop at his mom's office, stop at his dad's store, eat lunch at China Hill, stop at Marden's and Reny's, get my ring checked at Pyramid Studios. Take the Piko and the dog down to the shore to collect shells, and wade in the icy cold Atlantic. That is pretty much our vacation every time we go.

HOWEVER all this fun is interspersed with visits by family, to family, old friends, people we don't know. It's like my worst nightmare. People. People I have to make polite inane conversation with. "How's the weather been?", "Had a nice summer?", "The leaves are turning quite nicely this year", "Looks like you're headed for a cold winter". "Did you hear that 'So-And-So's' Son 'What's-His-Name' got arrested? I tell you it's the drugs". All this while Sarge and his dad escape to the garage for a beer and a smoke.

Gods I hope that they have opened a Starbucks.

Wednesday, September 20


Oh Sarge, you are the greatest. You mow the lawn, take out the trash, put the seat down, play with Piko de G, give me back rubs, let me control the remote during prime time, and you explain sports rules and statistics to me without being an ass.

So I say this with the greatest of love and respect.

The whole "Call me when you're ready to pick me up" thing only works IF YOU ACTUALLY TURN ON YOUR PHONE!!!!

Please turn on your phone, I'm ready to pick you up.

Wednesday, September 13

Dubious Achievement of the Day

56 hits in a row on Piko de G's Dora the Explorer paddle ball.
Go me.

Overheard at Dinner

Well, I actually didn't hear it myself, but Sarge told me about it later.

Myself, Sarge, The Librarian, and Piko de G were invited to dinner. Holy crap! Yes it's true, we do sometimes leave the house and socialize with other people. I met Harriet when I belonged to an on-line message board for mothers. All of the mothers on this board had children born in the same month. Anyhoo, I have not been on the board for about 2 1/2 years. However Harriet's Hot Husband is in the military and they were transferred to this area recently, so we have reconnected. It's good, because Piko de G has a new friend, and Harriet and Hot Husband are very, very nice. It's not so good because, well, now I have to socialize, and now that he is back, so does Sarge.

Well, this dinner we went to was at Harriet's house, her family was there, as well as two other families. Grrrreaaaat...more people, more NEW people. Now, I have to mention that Sarge is an enlisted member of the military, Hot Husband, and one of the other husbands there are members of the Officer's Corps. Usually enlisted and officer's don't socialize together, but Harriet and Hot Husband are cool(not snobs), and Sarge and Hot Husband don't even work at the same base.

Anyway, Sarge is already very uncomfortable, and not that happy about having to go to a dinner where he does not know anyone, thank goodness The Librarian was there. I thought it all went very well, but as we are getting in the car, Sarge tells us this:

Sarge: So I was talking to that other guy, and he asked me what kind of planes I flew. When I told him I'm not a pilot, I'm enlisted, he immediately stopped talking to me and turned around to talk to someone else.

WTF?!?! Who does that? Hello, enlisted are people too!!!

Sunday, September 10

My Boyfrend's Back!

So Sarge has returned from his 6 month deployment. Hooray! His flight home was somewhat delayed and Piko de G and I missed our opportunity to get all dolled up for him.
However, the lack of posts has very much to do with the fact that my husband is home. But it's not what you think! Well, there is some of that too, but that's not what is keeping me off of the computer.
Having returned from 6 months in a 10X10 room that he shared with another person, Sarge is in a cleaning up, moving stuff around mood. Don't get me wrong, he relaxed, for about a day! And he did have to go to the military "Reintigration Training" or as I refer to it, the "Don't Kill Your Wife" training and seminar. So by the fifth day of being home he was pretty antsy to have something useful to do. Unfortunately for me that meant tackling the past 6 months of buildup in the hall closet, outside shed, laundry room, car, and master bedroom closet. I have been busy dealing with his 3 rucksacks of laundry, and chasing him around the house trying to make sure I spot where he moves things, so that I can find my rotary cutter, or glue gun the next time I need it.
I have to mention that these indoor projects all came around after he had already tackled the outdoors. He has mowed the lawn, weeded and cleared the garden flowerbeds, cleaned Piko de G's inflatable pool, scrubbed the slab deck, raked the yard, extended the dog's outdoor run, rearranged the patio furniture, and washed the dog.
He's been back a week.
God's help me, I'm even suggesting he play golf as a ploy to keep him out of my kitchen. I'd never find my Microplane.

Friday, September 1


I was talking to the Librarian last night about going to pick up Sarge at the airport. I mentioned that I had found a small American flag for Piko de G to carry. "Oh no you didn't" was the Librarian's reply. I totally did, but I got it at the thrift store, and only paid $1.50.

So the Librarian suggested I go out and buy a crap load of those yellow ribbon magnets and plaster my car with it. "You know, one for every day that he was gone." She says. Yeeaaanhhh.........No.

It remided me of one magnet I saw that I really liked, but Sarge prohibits me from buying. I cant find the original one, but I made a mock up at Support Our Ribbons. I first saw this ribbon on a car on base, very brave, and very awesome I thought. Don't go thinking that our car is devoid of ribbon awesomeness though. We do have a "Support our Sox" ribbon, and a Collingwood Magpies flag on our trunk.

I am however kitting out Piko de G in her yellow dress and masses of yellow ribbons for her hair.

Wednesday, August 30

Meanie Barbarenie

So, Sarge is coming home from his 6 month deployment this week. Yay!
Anyhoo, I hate calling attention to myself, and really do not like to meet his work superiors. Mostly because I'm worried that if I ever see them again, I wont recognize them.

Remember in Heartbreak Ridge, Clint Eastwood and his guys come off the plane, and the big crowd is there to meet them. Families hugging, parents, wives, kids, whatever. And Clint is the only guy with no one running up to him, and he sorta walks through the happy crowd all alone, and then as he's nearing the back, he sees Marsha Mason. Cue crinkly Clint smile, and you know all is good.

Well, that's pretty much my position. I don't want to be in that huge crush of people, don't want my private moment captured for mass consumption by television cameras, don't want to talk to anyone but Sarge. I don't want to have to smile and nod when the Officers and Shirts thank me for the "sacrifice" I made by letting my husband do his job.

So yesterday in our semi-weekly phone call, Sarge lets me know the details of his return, and mentions that the "Big Wigs" will all be there too. I say, "Well, you know where I'll be." There's a bit of a silence, and he says, "Well, you can send Piko de G to the front then."

I'm feeling like a bit of an asshole.

Monday, August 28


If we are at the gym and your mobile rings loud enough for me to hear it over my headphones. PLEASE ANSWER IT IMMEDIATELY!!! DONT LET IT RING 8 TIMES!!!
Ok, so it's not a ringing phone in a movie theatre, but I dont go to the movies anymore. So to me this is just as anoying.

What the?

I was watching Transporter 2 the other night Jason Statham....yummy....), and I noticed something that was very distressing. Was it the ridiculous ammount of impossible stunts? Jason Statham's uber-sexy voice? The excessive gratuitous violence? The fact that, that Audi had not a scratch on it?Jason Statham's bulging muscled arms? Ahem.
No... Well, yes, BUT, what I really noticed, and what especially bothered me was that formerly very cute Matthew Modine, has somehow turned into , Ed Begly Jr!!!!
There goes my Louden Swain fantasy...oh how I wanted to be Linda Florentino in 1985.


PIES 24.12(156)defeat the Blues 17.10(112)!! My boy Alan Didak finished with 26 possessions, 13 marks and two goals. WOOT! They are in 6th place on the ladder, and have a chance at making it to the Granny. No more Colliwobbles please!! GO PIES!

Sunday, August 27


I saw the strangest things today. One was amazing, and the other was just "huh".
Piko de G and I were on the way to Michael's to buy some Perler Beads. We entered the DC Metro Speedway, north towards College Park on our way to Bowie. As we neared our exit, I happened to glance to my left and saw A CAR GOING THE WRONG WAY ON THE INNER LOOP!!. Yes, you read that right, a car going the wrong way on the inner loop. That is against traffic, north instead of south, traveling the same direction as me, not in the opposite direction. Granted the car was on the inside shoulder, and not going very fast, but still!

Two questions immediately come to mind. How the hell does one get turned around on the Beltway, and where the hell are you going? Now I have seen people pull to the side, after missing their exit, and then reversing along the shoulder. But this, this was something new. Naturally I created my very own driving hazard by calling The Librarian on my mobile to report what I just saw.

The "huh" item was on our return trip. I saw a wooden swing set mangled to a pulp on the side of the road. I guess it's not that strange, but it looked like it was fully assembled at the time of it's jettisoning. I'm used to seeing the sadly abandoned mattress on occasion, but who puts a fully assembled swing set on their truck? Roof? Whatever?

So many questions, no answers.

Friday, August 25

The Best Smackdown Ever!

Today was a pool day again, and Piko de G was rocking out the kiddie pool. I noticed that a couple of kids had come in with what looked like their Grandmother. They were in the "big kid" pool area so I wasn't really paying that much attention. However, about 15 minutes into their swim I heard a minor commotion, and Grandma yells at them. Then, the best ever, "You better share, or we're GOING HOME RIGHT NOW!!". Yeah, whatever, I've heard that phrase about a zillion times at the pool. But no, not 5 minutes later "Get out of the pool! I saw that!! We're going home!!" And they did.
Holy $hit! That Grandma don't mess around! Awesome.
I must note that it costs $4.00 a person to swim at our pool, so they basically paid $12.00 to swim for 20 minutes.

Monday, August 21

The One With The Swimming

So I will do my best to make sure that this does not turn into a parenting blog. But unfortunately most of my interactions these days are with other parents.

On to the swimming.

This happened today, and it kind of pissed me off.
Piko de G and I were at the pool this afternoon, and it was great. School has started in our county, so that means the pool was mostly empty. We did the kiddie pool, and some "big" pool splashing. Piko de G is rocking her new life jacket, and even jumped off the top rung of the pool ladder. Towards the end of our day two ladies showed up with 6 kids between them probably 6 months-7 years old. Cool I thought, kids for Piko de G to play with. They all jumped in and commandeered toys that were left in the pool by another kid and started dumping water out of the pool onto the deck. Great. Piko de G gets in the pool, and starts playing with one girl who is probably a little younger than her in a blue bathing suit. This is going well, and they are sharing swimming goggles and floaties. Fabulous. Yeah, not so much.

I would say about 15 minutes into great playing and sharing the little hellion in the blue bathing suit TRIED TO DROWN MY KID!!!. I seriously looked up to see her hanging off of Piko de G's neck, trying to swing her into a flying crossbody and into the water. I kind of think that maybe "Devil in a Blue Bathing Suit" had slipped and couldn't think to put her feet down, and ended up flailing madly and grabbing onto the closest thing. I got up from my chair and headed to the pool to untangle the kids, but the second that kid saw me get up she let go of Piko de G, and ran off to her mom. Poor Piko de G, was standing there in the middle of the pool with a "What the FU** just happened?!" look on her face. I asked her if she was ok, and her face just collapsed (those aunties who know her, yeah, you know *that* face). I had to wade in and get her. After that she just wanted to leave, "That girl in the blue bathing suit pulled my hair!!!".

And Mother of DIABBS? Yeah, she pretty much sat there and took it in. AND THEN as I was getting Piko de G dried off, she came over and was all "Is she ok? I think my kids like to splash a little too much". Whatever lady, stay away from my kid.

Thursday, August 17

People are Annoying. Part I

I know with a broad general title like "People Are Annoying" I'm going to have many an entry regarding this subject. Hence the "Part I".

So Sarge has this friend, his name is...hmmmm..."Sarge's Best Friend Forever" (SBFF). He's a pretty cool guy, always there when you need him, willing to help out, even at the cost to his own familial obligations (a whole other story, SBFF needs his OWN blog). He is usually very funny and easy to get along with, a bit high strung, but hey, what better target for my bitchy jabs. I call him SBFF because he has a bit of a man-crush on Sarge (SBFF, if you're reading this, we have discussed this, you know it's true, your wife agrees with me, and it's not like I'm using your real name!!), and it's just fun to tease "tough military guys" about things like that. Sarge, eh, he could care less, and even knows who I am talking about when I say "Your boyfriend."

Ok, you're asking, if he's so great, what is he doing in a post titled "People are Annoying"? Well.

I am 100% Japanese, and I'm American, as in born and raised IN AMERICA. I hate being called "Oriental", I feel like it's just an outdated term. What the hell, why beat around the bush, I just don't freaking like to be called that. It does not bother me that my mom refers to herself as Oriental, or that other people don't mind being called Oriental. HOWEVER if you are my friend, and you once refer to me as Oriental, and I ask you politely (well, lets be honest here,TELL you) to call me Asian, I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO RESPECT MY WISHES!!!

I'm not saying that SBFF does not respect my wishes. No,no,nooooooooooo. He does call me Asian, but to the exclusion of my ethnic sub-ethnicity, if you will.

Let me explain.

SBFF and his wife were over at our house hanging out, and SBFF's Wife notices my shadow box with the 1001 cranes "I" folded for my wedding. I explain to her the Japanese tradition of folding the 1001 origami cranes, and how when we got married Sarge and I couldn't afford to have them set into a fancy pattern, so my mom framed them for us in a shadowbox. Note that I mentioned that it was a Japanese tradition. SBFF jumps in and says all sarcastic like "You're not Japanese! You're AAAAAASIAN!!!!!!" Holy Crap! I about shit my pants. I was so freaking out of my mind with disbelief that someone would even try to argue my ethnicity with me that I just gave him my WTF?! glare of doom. I know SBFF will say that he was just playing with me. Whatever. He didn't think it was so funny later when I made a crack about his Alopecia affected eyebrows. This happened almost a month ago, and it still pisses me off when I think about it.

And I wonder why Sarge and I don't have more friends. Poor Sarge.

Wednesday, August 16

Maybe not so observant after all.

So I had insomnia last night and could not fall back asleep at 3:30am. I was pretty upset because I have a fitness test this morning and wanted to be reasonably well rested. Anyway, I think that my biggest problem is that I suffer from what I call "Restless Brain Syndrome" this usually happens as I am either trying to fall asleep, or after I have woken up in the middle of the night and am attempting to drift off again. What happens is my brain will not stop running, I will make lists of things that I should do the next day, ideas for projects, plants to buy for the garden, books I want to read, and it never ends. It truly pisses me off. And then the next morning I cant remember half the things I was thinking about the night before. I refuse to turn on the light to write these things down, because then I know I would never get to sleep.

So ANYWAY, last night I was thinking about how almost daily I send my friend, let's call her "The Librarian" because, well, she's a librarian, an e-mail about some observation I have made, or a mini-rant about something that has struck me as stupid or annoying. I never thought about starting a Blog, because well, my life is just that boring, but this, a daily observation, well that I can do.

So my first observation, is that well, sometimes I'm just not that observant after all. I am horribly bad at remembering names and faces. If I meet you once in one setting, and then again in another, I wont have any idea who you are. And 2 minutes after hearing your name, I wont remember it either. Now maybe this is not an observation issue, and more of a memory one, but what the hell, it's the story in my head at this moment.

I was not always this bad at remembering people, when I was in school, it was not a problem, I was meeting new people all the time. Then when I was working (retail unfortunately) it was not a problem either. I think my troubles all began when I married my husband...we'll call him "Sarge". We met and dated, and he proposed to me after he was reassigned to a new base (he is in the military), unfortunately/fortunately this base was in a non-English speaking country in Europe, with only about 100 military personnel there. So I went from meeting and interacting with 100's of people a day to only about well, none. We pretty much kept to ourselves and avoided the drama that a small military community tends to churn. And we continue this self imposed isolation even after moving back to the US, and living in base housing for the past 5 years. Let me put it this way, when I sign my child("Piko de Gallo") up for pre-school the only person I will have to put down as an emergency contact is The Librarian, and she lives 2 hours away. This is bad. Though The Librarian tells me that this will all change when Piko de Gallo starts school and I am forced to interact with other parents. Oh the joy.

So getting back to my inter-personal observation issues. I have been noticing that this is a problem for me alot lately. I have been going to the gym regularly 5 days a week for about 5 months now, at the same time every day, for probably the same length of time each visit. So as you can imagine I see the same people all the time. But if I were ever to see any of these people outside the gym, I don't think that I would recognize them. Oh, I recognize them when I see them at the gym, I'm not that bad off. There's "The Lady Who Looks Like She Could Be My Aunty", "Dreadlocks Guy", "Friendly Old Guy #1", "Friendly Old Guy #2", "Tall Guy Who Looks Like Zidane", "Weightlifter With Vitiligo", "Hot But Stinky BMW Guy", "Friendly Blond Lady", etc. Do you see a pattern here? I can only remember you if there is something that makes you stand out. Very good looking? Very, well, *NOT* good looking? Smell very good, or very bad? Or look like someone famous, or someone I know? Talk to me on a regular basis? Ok, then I will remember you. But not really. Because, just the other day I saw the Zidane guy at the post office, well, I didn't realize it was him until 10 minutes later when we both walked into the Gym at the same time. People probably think I'm a stuck up bitch, but really I just cant remember you.

The same goes for the people Sarge works with. Fortunately for me everyone wears a nametag on their uniform. But if you're out of uniform at the Commissary, I'll blank you like there's no tomorrow.