Eddie

This is Eddie
Eddie likes to stand in the middle of the road leading to our house.

And, as Sarge discovered the other day, Eddie likes to take poops on our driveway.

We don't like Eddie very much.

Anniversary of Horrors

The 16th was Sarge and my 8th wedding anniversary. I didn't write about it until now because I was trying to erase the horrors from my mind.

Actually it wasn't that terribly bad. But in my little, little world, anything that does not revolve around a quiet evening of brand new Mythbusters, and Project Runway on a Wednesday night (see my previous post) is a major disruption.

Just fair warning, this got pretty TL;DR.

Let me start by showing you what I got Sarge for our Anniversary.

Well, OK, so it's more of a joke than anything else, but that should give you an idea of what our day/night entailed.

Our whole family has been hit with a Norovirus type of ailment this week. It started with Piko deG emptying her stomach all night long on Friday night, not too bad right? At least it was Friday. She was absolutely fine on Saturday, we even ended up going to see a movie.

Sunday morning she wakes up with horrible, horrible, gigantic hives all over her entire body. AAAAA!!!!! Hives freak me out, combine with vomiting. We spent the morning in the ER, which by the time they saw us, the hives had resolved themselves. I hate wasting our, and the Doctor's time in the ER. Anyway, Sunday night, I'm up vomiting. Vomiting so much in fact that chunks come out of my nose. Nice, I know. Awful. Well, at least it's Sunday, Piko will be in school the next day and I can rest. Ha-Ha!!! What a cruel joke!

Monday morning, I wake up with body ache and a monkey laying on with a sledge hammer in my frontal lobe. Piko's hives are back again, this time it's migrated to her face, and she looks like Rocky Balboa in the 9th round. MOTHERLOVER! So, Benadryl for her, Motrin for me, and in bed all day. Ugh. Piko bounces back as soon as the Benadryl runs it's course and the drowsiness has worn off. Me, well let's just say that the monkey in my head has now used the sledge hammer on the rest of my body. It hurts to stand, it hurts to lie down. Well, you get the picture.

Then on Tuesday, SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST! Piko, massive hives, other eye. Me, smaller sledge hammer. Luckily Piko will be happy to watch Star Wars while I sleep it off. And no appointments are to be had with anyone in our PCM's office. 6pm or so things are getting back to normal when Sarge announces: "Hmmmm, I don't feel so well". AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, he spent the night spewing from both ends (sorry, I know that's gross).

Wednesday, Piko is ok, send her to school. Sarge is now entertaining my hammer happy monkey. We have a meeting to do paperwork so we can leave to Germany. Hey, it's our anniversary! We attend our meeting which involves me being questioned by some lady about my mental health, drug and alcohol abuse, and possible abusive relationship with my husband.

Ok. sidebar here. Now I have two major issues with this meeting. First, the questions ran along the lines of "Do you have a problem with drugs or alcohol? Have you ever been seen for drug or alcohol counseling while on this base? Have you been treated at the psychiatric center while living on this base? Have you been visited by a caseworker from the Family Services office while on this base?" WTFBBQ?!?!?! Please note that we were AT the Family Services office. Do they not keep freaking records themselves?!?! WASTE MY FREAKING TIME why don't you!! Second, and I think this is the worst one. IN FRONT of my HUSBAND she asks me "Do you live in an abusive household?" I just looked at Sarge and kind of giggled nervously and said no, as he rolled his eyes. I'm sure that looked good. Why in the world would they ask a spouse in front of the other spouse if they were living in an abusive household?!?! Like someone is going to give an honest answer. Freaking morons. On top of these horrors, it's apparently going to take another week to get our paperwork back from the Doctor who couldn't be bothered to show up for our meeting. Only then we can get our final orders for Germany cut.

So quick recap.
Piko- Sick, vomiting, hives.
Me- Sick, vomiting, massive head and body ache, dealing with stupid.
Sarge- Sick, both ends, massive head and body ache, dealing with stupid.

Wheee!!! It's my anniversary!!

Then at about 1am, Piko threw up her dinner in her bed. Aaaah, wedded bliss.
Sarge gave me the best anniversary gift though, he was still up, and so did 90% of the clean up, while trying not to wake me up. I just had to put the bedding in the wash, and get Piko setteled back into the hide-a-bed for the rest of the night.

de Gallo Family Dynamics

This is actually hilariously funny now, but trust me it was not funny when it happened.

Last night Sarge came home to get his dinner, and after he left I let Dog de Gallo out to do her nightly business. She came back in and then started upstairs as I was making the rounds locking doors, and turning off lights. She waited for me on the landing, and we started up to the bedroom.

I didn't really see what happened next, but caught the tail end of it.

The Cat came out of nowhere, and jumped on Dog. All I saw was teeth and claws. Cat did not actually get Dog, but she sure scared her. I guess Cat is usually in Piko's room when Dog and I go to bed, so Dog was not expecting the sneak attack. Poor Dog runs right into our bedroom and onto her bed. Cat went the other direction into the guest room.

A bit later as I'm settling in to do the crossword in bed (highlight of my day >dorky!<), it smells like poo! What the hell? Why does it smell like poo? I go check out the litter box, but that's not it, I just cleaned it. Get back into bed, must be my imagination. No, it still smells like poo. So I start looking around.

DOG! Why is there a nugget of poo on your bed!! Have you been eating your poo again?! CRAP!!! I stepped in it!!! F**K!!! IT'S ON THE BED!!!!! MOTHER LOVING...$#@**!!!!

So I'm traveling the upstairs scrubbing bits of poo off the carpet, stripping the bed, wiping Dog's butt. I checked her feet thinking that maybe she stepped on a fresh one when she went out. Nope, it was dingle berries, hanging on. Nice.

I had to remake the bed (which I hate doing on a regular non-poo day), set the poo sheets in the wash to soak overnight. Though I'm not sure I'll ever be able to use those sheets again. Wash my feet and hands, and change my clothes. Ugh. And then I was not able to finish the crossword.

Sarge gets into bed this morning, and I tell him that the cat literally scared the shit out of the dog. He can't stop laughing, and honestly neither can I.

Poor Dog, we have got to get rid of this cat.

Day of the Dog

We here at the de Gallo homestead have been watching alot of "The Dog Whisperer". We have a dog, and that dog needs whispering. Because honestly all of the yelling Sarge is doing is not exactly helping.

Dog de Gallo is actually a very good dog. She does not jump up to get to food on counter tops, she does not eat everything in the house. She is trusted to stay at home alone for long periods of time, and can be relied on to not destroy anything. She knows where to poop and where to pee, and she loves to fetch and have ear rubs. She is a great bed warmer in the mornings when Sarge has left for work. Dog and Piko get along pretty well, although I think that Dog de G is a bit jealous of Piko de G, since she was here first, and Piko basically usurped her.

HOWEVER.

She barks. ALOT. OFTEN. She sometimes eats her poo, and then comes in the house and throws up on my feet. Dog de Gallo is also very food aggressive, yikes! She even bit Sarge's hand once...ONCE. She is also an excited pee-er, which is not all that bad I guess. And oh yeah, she weighs about 85 lbs, and the hair, don't even get me started on the hair. What's up with dog hair? How does it get into everything, and it weaves it's way into fabrics somehow, like it's alive! Whenever I take food anywhere, I always warn that there might be dog hair in it, and I'm very sorry.

Anyway, back to the Dog Whisperer. Sarge was watching with Piko de Gallo the other morning, and Caesar was helping a dog that had severe separation anxiety. One of the things that he suggested would help was to get "friend" for that dog. He kept the dog at his dog center and picked out a new dog at a shelter to be the friend. They got along great, and it went a long way to helping that poor dog.

Lately Sarge has been talking about getting a "friend" for Dog de Gallo. I guess he thinks that because Piko de Gallo and I are so busy with school and other activities, Dog de Gallo is alone much more often than she is used to. He thinks that she is lonely. I guess, she might be. So I have agreed to get another dog.

Yes Librarian, I can hear you laughing from your new place in Seattle.

HOWEVER!

I told Sarge that we can only get a "friend" for Dog de Gallo IF, Caesar Milan himself comes to Maryland and picks the dog out for us.



And, I get to name it "Otter". Because then we will have Dog de Gallo, and the "Otter" dog.

Target and the truffles of Poo!

Piko de Gallo and I set off to Target the day after Christmas (Boxing Day to you Librarian!) to buy some cheap wrapping paper and spend some of the Grandma cash she got. Our neighborhood (emphasis on the "hood" part) Target is rarely crowded and we easily found parking and lots and lots of wrapping paper. However the toy department was almost competely wiped out!! Piko de Gallo was a little dissapointed, but she managed to find a Polly Pocket set that she had on her Christmas wishlist.

I on the other hand was delighted to find that select Choxie products were 50% off!!

Oh the joy! I picked out some lovely dark chocolate truffles.

Dark chocolate truffles!! YUM!! 50% off, I can get two boxes!

All is good and I get everything home, put everything away, and open the box.

HELLO!!!

A box full of delicious chocolate poo!

Needless to say I had to eat them all before they grossed me out too much.