Eddie

This is Eddie
Eddie likes to stand in the middle of the road leading to our house.

And, as Sarge discovered the other day, Eddie likes to take poops on our driveway.

We don't like Eddie very much.

Best Sign

This sign was posted at the vehicle shipping center in Baltimore.

It was maybe the funniest thing I saw that week.

I Don't Get People

People, you confuse me.

Some examples.

#1.
I did uniform patches for a guy Sarge works with. Normally these guys come grab their uniform, pay me and get the heck out. This guy though, well we discovered that we are both from Hawaii. Woo! Big woop. He ends up standing in my hallway talking for about 1/2 hour. This is not the confusing part. About 6:30, I tell Piko deGallo to start cleaning up her stuff, she asks me why, I tell her she needs to get to bed soon. The normal stuff we do/say every night. This guy is amazed. "She goes to bed this early? Damn! I wish my kid would go to bed early" How old is your kid? "He's 4. Last night he was up till about 2am!" Whaaaaa??!? "Yeah, I fell asleep, and woke up at 2, and he was sitting on my bed staring at me and eating a piece of bread." Ooookaaay... "He won't go to sleep, he always stays up till at least 11:00"

I'm seriously confused.

This guy works the opposite schedule as Sarge, which means he gets to work at about 4:45am, and gets off about 5:30pm. When Sarge worked that schedule he was in bed by 8:30 every night, needless to say this guy is not, and according to Sarge, he gets paperwork for being late all the time. Since when does your 4 year old dictate what time they "want" to go to bed? The hell man, they're freaking 4!! I think people like this are crazy when they're surprised that Piko deGallo goes to bed when I tell her, like I have some kind of magical power over my child. Well, actually I do I guess, it's called: I'm the adult and she's the child. I make the rules, she follows them. It's not amazing, it's not magic, it's not mean. I'm not saying that Piko deG always follows my direction, but I make sure she does for the important things that keep her safe and healthy. What the hell this guy is going to do next year when his kid starts kindergarten and has to be up by 6:15am, I have no idea.

#2.
Oooh, a big storm is coming!! We might be trapped in our home for, holy crap!, 24 hours!! Everyone and their mother must rush to the market NOW to stock up on bread, toilet paper, milk and eggs!!!

Obviously my marketing experience yesterday was less than enjoyable.

#3.
Why are you having a baby shower for a 4th child?? Especially when child #3 is going to be all of 1 1/2 when #4 hatches. Though this person gets a semi-pass when I found out that she's having her first girl.

No, I wasn't invited to the shower. I heard about it while having coffee with some of my PTA ladies (a whole other post in itself). I kinda, sorta know this lady, I we coached her oldest son in soccer this past year. I was going to make her a small baby quilt anyway, because she's usually pretty friendly to me. I didn't expect her to actually have a shower.

#4.
Piko deGallo!!! You confuse me the most!

Why do I have to drag you out of bed every day this week, moaning and whining about how tired you are (see #1, this is why I have her go to bed at 7:15, even with 11 hours of sleep it's a struggle to get her up sometimes). WHY??!! WHY?!! then do you get up at 5:30 AM on a snow day?!?!? Dude! We totally could have slept in!! It's not even really snowing, it's more like drizzly cold rain, that might turn into ice! So there's not even snow to get excited about.

And thanks for pointing out that Daddy's clock and my clock don't say the same time. For. Freaking. Fifteen. Minutes!!!

So...

So yesterday Piko came home crying. I though it was because we were making her come home so we could run errands. I'm all "Suck it up girl, you can play with them when we get back!" Not so much. Apparently her "friends" were calling her the "Queen of Losers!" And threatening to "tell on her" for what, I have no idea.

WHAT?!?!WHAT!!!???!!!

Now, I am the first to recognize that my kid can be somewhat of a namby pamby, and needs to grow some. But she's really not used to being called names. These girls that she plays with are sisters, and they can be pretty mean to eachother. Who knows, maybe the fact that they are now extending the name calling to Piko means that she's part of their family now.

I try not to get involved in this kind of crap when it goes down with my kid. But this time I'm a little torn between telling her to deal with it herself, and going over to talk to the mother. This mom's oldest child is being bullied in school, and she's under the impression that her daughter is not sticking up for herself, and is totally blameless in this bully situation. But based on what Piko is telling me, either she is not totally blameless, and/or it is affecting the way that she is interacting with other children.

Who the hell knows. I wasn't there to witness the interaction, so I don't know what exactly went on. The middle daughter is the one who walked Piko home, and was telling me a little bit about what happened, but I'm sure that she didn't really want to rat out her sisters.

Anyway, I'm really just venting, because it's anoying.

I ended up telling Piko that she was not going to be playing with them for the rest of the weekend. And that if they ever start calling her names again she is to stop playing with them immediately and come home. I don't care how much fun she was having, do not stay over there and take it. What else can I do? On a normal day she gets along very well with these girls, and they are the only kids on the block her age to play with.

Should I talk with the Mom? GAH!

P.S. We ended up staying inside, so we worked on Piko's science project.

VOLCANO!!!!

And so I find that it is Wednesday.
Looking at my calendar I realize that not only is next week Valentine's day, but I have a mini mural to do for some officer's club. Oh yeah, by tuesday. Oops.
I kind of ranted a bit last time about having to do a last minute mural, but who the heck am I kidding, that's the way I work even when I have a 3 week lead time.

I guess this means that I'm off to the store to pick up my painting supplies. So I'm off, and it's a bit early so Michael's is not open yet, so I hit the Target next door. I need some lightbulbs anyway.

8:30 am in the middle of the week, I figure I'll pretty much have the place to myself. Not so much.

The hell?!?! Target is chock-a-block full of mothers and their young spawn precious angels. Which, hey, I get. They probably have been up since 5 am (which is when Piko used to get up), and need something to do, Target is clean, open, and probably empty. Kids are fine, don't get me wrong, I like kids, have one of my own. What I hate is this:

Mommy: Don't touch!
Mommy's Little Angel (MLA): I'm nawt towching.
Mommy: Don't!
MLA: I'm nawt!!!
Mommy: Don't touch that or I'll put you in the cart!
MLA: OOOOHHH!!! Look Mawmeeeeeee!!!!!!! Can I have some candy?
Mommy: I said don't touch that!
MLA: I'm nawt. Candy Mawmeee!!
Mommy: No!
MLA: Caaaaannnndddeeee!!!!Maaaawwwwmmmmeeeeee!!!
Mommy: Didn't I tell you not to touch?! I'm going to put you in the cart!
MLA: No cart Mawmee!!

I swear to whatever deity is the most powerful!!! Put your damn kid in the damn cart already!! I'm not buying anything from that aisle because I can hear very well that they touch everything in it!!! Can a person not browse the totally cute baking and packaging aisles in peace?!?!

I'm so evil, but when I'm with Piko and we hear that kind of behavior, and if she is behaving herself despite outside influence. I loudly offer to buy her some candy.
Evily.

Darn Kids These Days!!

I guess it's time to knit me a granny shawl, gather 15 more cats, and retire to my rocker on the porch.

Twice today I uttered the statement "Damn kids these days..."

First time I was eating breakfast with Piko and looking over their picture day forms. Yay picture day! What's this??? For $10.00 extra you can order photo retouching? For elementary school students??! Well, heck, no more fears of the night before breakout, or bad hair day! I remember the year that my dad got me ready for school on picture day and sent me to school with a ratty old t-shirt and slicked down hair. I ended up in a "boy" slot on the group picture page. And then there was my 11th grade photo where I looked like I had this hair.
AND NOT ON PURPOSE!!!
Oh you know, any excuse to post this video is a good one!

Second time would be this afternoon when I was informed that a parent, independently from the program, is going ahead and arranging for trophy for the soccer teams. I have several problems with this. First, a participation medal is already included in each child's registration fee. Second, what the heck? I have parents on my team that can't afford to buy their kids black shorts to play in (we bought extras and handed them out with the team jerseys). I'm sure as heck that they won't be able to afford a second trophy, and then their kid will feel left out. Third, and probably my biggest problem. Trophy's? Aren't trophy's for winners? Since we do not play competitively, there technically are no winners. I might support a "Most Improved Player" type award that is chosen by the coach, but other than that, not so much. Also, I find it kind of ironic that the parent on my team who seems most interested in the trophy has the most underachieving child. This kid could not kick his way out of a paper bag, nor does he put forth any effort. He's more interested in running around the field flailing his arms and staying as far away from the ball as he possibly can. It has come to this, we are rewarding and promoting mediocrity, and lack of effort in our children. Here's a trophy for...well, for nothing.

Maybe I should be saying "Parents these days..."

So I lied.

Well, ok, I lied a little bit. There is something that is pissing me off about Piko's school.

"Mr. Money"

Who is Mr. Money? you ask. Well, Mr. Money brings toys and prizes to kids in Piko's school. Piko was VERY excited to meet Mr. Money and he showed them a fancy light up set, a remote control blimp, a giant inflatable puffer ball, and a Wii!! You can have them all!!! he said.

But.

Youhavetosell150ormoreitemsfromthisincredibllycrappycatalogtoyourfamilyandfriends.

That's right my friends. Fundraising.

I understand that the school Piko attends is in a very depressed and low-income neighborhood, and I'm happy to help however I can. But I thought that this was really quite underhanded. Lead these little kids, into a room with all these flashy toys and gizmo's, tell them that they can have them, and leave it up to the parents to disappoint them because they can only sell 4 or 5 things. That's just mean.

Sarge and I have decided that we will spend $100 on wrapping paper and chocolate to support the cause. But like several other family members and friends who I have spoken to about this, I'm wondering why I just can't give a check for $100 directly to the school. AND have it count towards Piko's item count. Nope, instead, I have to pay $100 for stuff I don't really want, and the school will only get about $60 of that.

So far she has 13 items towards that 150 goal, and 10 of those items we bought ourselves. BAH!

Oh yeah, and if you sell 50 items, you get to go have a pizza lunch in a Hummer Limo! Huh, go figure.

BAH! Shopping rant!

Piko de G and I trekked out to the commissary this morning to restock our 'fridge with something more than frozen hamburgers, sliced tomatoes, and soda.

We got rock star parking right up front, and all was looking well. I should have known it would only go downhill from there.

Today was shopping cart derby day in the aisles. Just about everywhere we went carts were parked strategically sideways, or in the smack dab middle of the aisle.

In the spice section there were about 6 people in a group blocking half the lane, and their carts were along the other half. Basically causing what M. Sarge would refer to as a "Cluster F**K", making me say WTF? And they were all apparently together, and arguing the merits of garlic salt vs. garlic flakes! Move out of the damn aisle!!

As we were moving towards the dairy area there was a lady parked horizontally across the lane. As if she were turning around and getting ready to head back in the other direction, and then decided that that would be a totally AWESOME place to stop and have a 5 minute "chat" with her friend who was all the way down by the orange juice. NOT. SO. MUCH!!!!

Finally, getting in line to pay. UGH, please move your damn cart 2 inches closer to the checkout so I can get past, thankyouverymuch! This lady was with her two older teen looking children and was leaning on the back of her cart while the kids were unloading it onto the belt. There were three other registers open down past her, and we were trying to get past. She leaned, her kids unpacked, looked at me, unpacked more, she leaned more. I said excuse me about 4 times, Piko de G even said excuse me. She leaned some more. FINALLY, she gets out of the way, by backing up into my cart. "Oops I was trying to get out of the way, and ended up getting in the way. Tee-hee!" I just gave her my 1,000 mile stare and said "Uh-huh". Then Piko de G being 5 said really loudly "SHE DID GET IN THE WAY!!!" as we finally passed them. Nice.

Another question, when the heck did it become a good idea to allow a 6 year old to "drive" a full shopping cart? If they're going to *DRIVE* it into the back of my ankles, I'm going to have to *DRIVE* my foot up their.....

This is what I get for going at 10:30 instead of 8:30.

Not Perfect

Piko's annoying habits. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that my child is not perfect. For one, she does not like potatoes. Not even french fries!!! She's an alien I swear!! She would also rather watch Mythbusters (Science YAY!), Surprise By Design (She loves that Robert Birdie), or Take Home Chef (Takes after mom, likes that Aussie accent)all day than anything else on TV. I'm actually quite glad of that, because The Wonder Pets have rotted my brain, Joe wears too much makeup, and she never wants to watch Lazytown and that hottie Sporticus.

Anyway, on to the annoying. And this is just a sample of the past couple of days.

The inability to close a door quietly. This has become more pronounced ever since Sarge had begun working nights. She'll be up in the morning, and I'll hear her opening and closing her door. Not quietly either, there must be some level of satisfaction with not quite slamming it, but closing it firmly. And to add another level of annoying gooeyness, she does a double close. You know, where the door bounces off the jam, and you have to pull it back again to close it. Then, there's something about the door knob that seems to fascinate her, sometimes I'll just hear "rattle, rat-rat-RATTLE, CLICK!!! rattle, rattle, CLICK! CLICK!!!!" AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stating the obvious. Yes, I know she's 5, and that's what 5 year olds do. But this happens almost every morning. I'll get up, and see what she's doing, and then tell her I'm going downstairs to let the dog out. I come down, let Dog out, boot up the old claptrap of a compuper, get the morning paper, start the coffee. 20 minutes later, from the top of the stairs I'll hear:
"Mommy?.....Mommy......Mommy! Mommy?"
"YEEEES!?!"
"Are you downstairs?"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I'll get sarcastic and say no. But she's too smart for me! Can't trick her!
"YES YOU ARE!!!!!!"
Oh crap, Sarge is trying to sleep!

And what's up with not remembering to
1. Wipe after going #1
2. Flush the toilet
3. Wash your hands?
And then topping it off by coming back outside with the whole front of her dress stuffed into her underwear. OK, that last part is kind of funny. But I'm getting awfully tired of finding logs in the pool at bedtime that have been there since 7am.

Monday, is that you?!

The answer:

HELLS YES!!!

What happened today that made my head explode?

Well, it all started with a 12:25am power outage. Was I up? Yes I was. Did I then go to bed? Well, I tried. Damn smoke detector in my bedroom started beeping, and beeping. Dog de G, starts pacing, and whining, pacing, and whining. I get up, press the reset.........beep!............beep!........ No luck. Take out the battery..............it worked.......beep!........FRACK!!!
Fumble around for a replacement battery in the dark, I know we have some, Sarge bought 8 of them the other month! FINALLY find the battery, replace, golden silence. Yay, finally able to go to bed. I was so tired I wanted to throw up.

Wake up, cat's breakfast, pick up cat puke, dog out, breakfast for Piko, coffee, paper, computer, dog in, my breakfast, dog's breakfast.

Then downhill....
1. A suspicious TKO auction cancellation from an overseas bidder. What? If you wanted to know that your S&H was going to be $11.50 USD, you should have asked first!! Now I can't even do a second chance offer.

2. Trip to Target with Piko de Gallo starts off great! A few tears in the car because she "Really, really wanted to go to IKEA!!!!!". Whatever. Target, return crappy National Geographic RC snake. Find cool roaring mini T-rex flashlight/key chain for Piko. AND THEN!!!!! Piko, where's your hat? The hat that you begged me to make for you! The one you picked out the fabric for, the one you pestered me for all day yesterday, THE ONE I HAD TO MAKE OVER TWICE!!!! Mommy meltdown? Yeeeeah, that was me in the Forrestville Target freaking out over a lost hat. Ended on a good note though, someone turned it in to lost and found. (And that T-rex, yeah, she didn't get it because she showed me she is irresponsible with her belongings. That's right, right?)

3. We come home to, NO POWER. BAH! 45 minutes later, power back on.

4. 2:45. No internets. No tv. No phone!

5. Ironing Sarge's uniform, the iron decides that it's just going to barf all it's water out onto the clothes, instead of making steam. DAMN YOU!!! I JUST BOUGHT YOU 3 WEEKS AGO!!!

All I have to say is that the cable or power better not go out at 8:00 tonight! Mhz is teasing me again with promises of Footy!

It's all the little things that make me nutty.

Kid magnets

So what's the deal?

Whenever we go out as a de Gallo family we seem to attract kids. I know we're not that fun, because we're always yelling and arguing with each other. Yet, they are drawn to us like...well, they're drawn to us.

I don't mind mystery kids coming and playing with Piko while we're out doing stuff. I think it's great to encounter a friendly child who is confident enough to play with new kids. UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF THEIR PARENTAL UNIT.

What I don't like it the child that would much rather have MY attention. Or rather NEEDS my attention.

For example. We took Piko to a splash pool the other week, just for a change in the routine, and Sarge was off during the week. We figured it would not be too crowded, and we would have a good time. It was empty!! Maybe two other kids there when we got there. However once we all got into the pool and started hanging out, this girl who was probably about 8 or 9 came over. Now Piko is not much into getting splashed or actually swimming, so naturally we stick close to her and pay alot of attention to what she's doing. Well this mystery child comes over, and I'm thinking great, a kid for Piko to play with, more fun for everyone. Yesh, I wish. She wanted me to watch her swim backwards, dive under water, teach her how to do a handstand. Will I come with her while she goes down the slide? Can I watch her jump off the diving board? Watch me! WATCH ME!!

No, not so much.

Where was her parental unit? Sitting outside the swimming area watching her from behind the glass. Sarge says I should cut him some slack because at least he brought her to the pool in the first place. Sure, but I swear I saw one of the lifeguards napping. I'm not too sure I want to put too much faith in them.

Here is my theory on this, and it has been influenced by my sister-in-law who is an elementary school teacher. She says that you can really separate the kids that get alot of attention at home from the kids who don't. The kids who do get alot of attention are alot more confident and independent. Children who do not are usually begging for her constant attention, especially in the early days of school. Now, I know that I am very, very lucky to be able to stay at home with my kid and be with her so much. And I sure do understand dual working parents, and don't think that they're doing the wrong thing by working, quite possibly the family would suffer even more if they did not go to work. Heck if my career path was not "Retail" I'm sure I'd be at work right now too. But I do think that spending time with your kid does not have to mean being a stay at home parent. It means when you go to the pool or the park, or even just at home you actually take part in the activity, play, swim, have fun, INTERACT. Have fun WITH your child. Pay attention TO your child. Show them that you are interested in what they are saying, even if you don't understand what they are saying. Yes it's very annoying to watch your kid do the same trick over and over and over and over again. And listen to the same knock knock joke a million times. But you know what's even more annoying? Having to watch someone elses kid.

Honestly, I don't think that I have the all the answers, but I have noticed that giving Piko alot of attention, and doing things with her has lead to alot more independent playing. I know that does not make much sense, but when we're at home, she'll play by herself while I'm computer-ing, or sewing, for hours! But she knows that when she comes to me with a question or wants me to look at something I'll stop what I'm doing and pay attention to her.

Let's not even get into the whole: I'm a stranger, and you're not paying attention to what your kid is doing.

Good dad!

After a half an hour dinner conversation about 5 year olds taking Ritalin, other assorted childhood misbehaviors, and the parents that cause them.

Sarge lets Piko de Gallo take her Sprite to bed.

Nice.

The One With The Swimming

So I will do my best to make sure that this does not turn into a parenting blog. But unfortunately most of my interactions these days are with other parents.

On to the swimming.

This happened today, and it kind of pissed me off.
Piko de G and I were at the pool this afternoon, and it was great. School has started in our county, so that means the pool was mostly empty. We did the kiddie pool, and some "big" pool splashing. Piko de G is rocking her new life jacket, and even jumped off the top rung of the pool ladder. Towards the end of our day two ladies showed up with 6 kids between them probably 6 months-7 years old. Cool I thought, kids for Piko de G to play with. They all jumped in and commandeered toys that were left in the pool by another kid and started dumping water out of the pool onto the deck. Great. Piko de G gets in the pool, and starts playing with one girl who is probably a little younger than her in a blue bathing suit. This is going well, and they are sharing swimming goggles and floaties. Fabulous. Yeah, not so much.

I would say about 15 minutes into great playing and sharing the little hellion in the blue bathing suit TRIED TO DROWN MY KID!!!. I seriously looked up to see her hanging off of Piko de G's neck, trying to swing her into a flying crossbody and into the water. I kind of think that maybe "Devil in a Blue Bathing Suit" had slipped and couldn't think to put her feet down, and ended up flailing madly and grabbing onto the closest thing. I got up from my chair and headed to the pool to untangle the kids, but the second that kid saw me get up she let go of Piko de G, and ran off to her mom. Poor Piko de G, was standing there in the middle of the pool with a "What the FU** just happened?!" look on her face. I asked her if she was ok, and her face just collapsed (those aunties who know her, yeah, you know *that* face). I had to wade in and get her. After that she just wanted to leave, "That girl in the blue bathing suit pulled my hair!!!".

And Mother of DIABBS? Yeah, she pretty much sat there and took it in. AND THEN as I was getting Piko de G dried off, she came over and was all "Is she ok? I think my kids like to splash a little too much". Whatever lady, stay away from my kid.