I got a nice Borders gift card from my in laws for Christmas, and finally decided to spend some of it the other week while Piko de Gallo was at school. How I love going to the book store by myself!!

I love book stores, I don't necessarily love Borders as I used to work there about 7 years ago. I believe that I am suffering from Post Traumatic Store Employee Syndrome.

I cannot browse without putting things away. It chills my cold little heart a bit more to see that customers are still the lazy 'tock-holes they were 7 years ago. As I browse the magazines, I see stuff out of place, I put them back, I browse remainders (sale books), putting stuff back. Seriously how hard is it to pick up a book, look at it, decide you don't want it, and then put it back right where you found it. I browse genre fiction, find random paperbacks on the floor, put them back.

I flashback to the afternoon that I spent organizing the mini book spinner in my old store. When I was done, all of those stupid little books were organized by subject, with the multiples all together. A totally fruitless endeavor I should have known. After I finished, I was stationed at the information desk, and watched as a lady flipped through the books. Picking up a book, putting it back in a random place, picking up another, and putting it back randomly. I wanted to grab the spinner from her and yell "NO BOOKS FOR YOU!". Who the hell needs a mini book on rubber duckies anyway??

The kicker however came when I was in the crafts section looking at knitting books. When does it ever seem appropriate to just lay books across the tops of other books on the shelves? I would think that it would be better to just leave them on the floor. So I'm in the craft section, looking at the books, and shelving all of the ones that are lying across the tops of the stacks. I must have looked like a Crazy Customer (TM.) , because booksellers kept walking past me, giving me the weird look. I had to stop myself when I came across a copy of Duty and Desire: A Novel of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman IN THE CRAFTS SECTION!!!!! Seriously, I know you can read, you're in a fracking bookstore, so you must know your alphabets.

On a tangent. Finding a book about Mr. Darcy in the knitting/crafting section makes me think that the people (women most likely) buying craft/knitting books fall into the stereotypical female Jane Austen reader category. And yes, I include myself in that category I'm afraid, because what was my final purchase that day? Cross Stitch a Day calendar, Crochet a Day calendar (hey, they were clearanced at $4 each!), and Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility.

Back on track. I know that the people putting crap away in random places of the store are exactly the same people who bitch and moan when the computer says the store has one copy of something, and it cannot be found in it's rightful place on the shelf. Ooooh, I used to hate those people!! It's been years, and I still hate those people.

Sarge says I have latent customer service issues.

I say that I should just stay home and order from Amazon.com.

Target and the truffles of Poo!

Piko de Gallo and I set off to Target the day after Christmas (Boxing Day to you Librarian!) to buy some cheap wrapping paper and spend some of the Grandma cash she got. Our neighborhood (emphasis on the "hood" part) Target is rarely crowded and we easily found parking and lots and lots of wrapping paper. However the toy department was almost competely wiped out!! Piko de Gallo was a little dissapointed, but she managed to find a Polly Pocket set that she had on her Christmas wishlist.

I on the other hand was delighted to find that select Choxie products were 50% off!!

Oh the joy! I picked out some lovely dark chocolate truffles.

Dark chocolate truffles!! YUM!! 50% off, I can get two boxes!

All is good and I get everything home, put everything away, and open the box.

HELLO!!!

A box full of delicious chocolate poo!

Needless to say I had to eat them all before they grossed me out too much.

Super Spectacular Update!!

I have convinced Piko de Gallo to update her vocabulary, replacing "Tushie" with "TOCKS!!!"

Best. Kid. EVER!!

My new favorite word

'Tocks.

As in buttocks.

I said it today as Sarge and I were getting into the car on the way to the gym. I was having panty issues, and he mentioned that he does not have that problem with his undies. And I said, "So the whities stay firmly in the cheek crease of your 'tocks?"

It's been a long time since I've been able to make him laugh that hard. I shall have to now use that word at least ten times a day.

Thank you Cuteoveload for my new favorite word.

Other than panty issues, nothing. My life is just that boring.

Donor Day Out

The Librarian was up from Virgina to spend Turkey Day with us, since she is my official turkey frying bitch. Friday morning after sleeping off our tryptophan high, we all ventured to the National Mall for some Air and Space Museum, and ice skating at the Sculpture Garden.

This day shall henceforth be known as "Donor Day Out" and this is why.

While we were waiting in line to buy our skating tickets, The Librarian fell into conversation with the lady that was in front of us. I was standing with The Librarian, Sarge was watching Piko de Gallo jump all over the rink's retaining wall. The lady that The Librarian is chatting with comments on Piko de Gallo's cuteness. Yes, she is darn cute! And then this gem emerges:

"She is so cute. Who's is she? Yours? (Directed at The Librarian), ALL of yours?"

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

This is all the more funny because at one point as we were walking arm in arm to the skating rink, The Librarian and I were joking that we looked like a lesbian couple spending time with our daughter and her bio-dad.

Poor Sarge, always a donor, never a lesbian.

Good dad!

After a half an hour dinner conversation about 5 year olds taking Ritalin, other assorted childhood misbehaviors, and the parents that cause them.

Sarge lets Piko de Gallo take her Sprite to bed.

Nice.

I heart Mr. Darcy

I love me some Mr. Darcy!!!
I will watch Pride and Prejudice every single time it comes on TV.
I'm talking about the new one with Kiera Knightly. I have not seen the old version with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy, but I'm sure I'd love it too.

And, I'm seriously loving on the actor that played Mr. Darcy in the newest version.
Matthew MacFayden. HOT!!!!


So of course I had to Google him to see what else he has been in. However, seeing him out of character I was a little disappointed. He's still kind of cute, but in a puffy John Cusack sort of way.


But of course I'm still going to watch, because Mr. Darcy rocks!
The sad thing though is that if I buy the DVD, I'll never watch it. I am that lazy in my adoration.

Day 1

Today is Day 1 of Sarge's new "No Carb" diet.

What he ate today...

Breakfast: Egg omelet, Orange Juice.

Lunch: Burger King. Also known as "The Beginning Of The End".

Afternoon Snack: Green Tea, 2 Madeleines.

Dinner: Hamburger Patty, 50/50 White and Brown Rice, Sweet Potato with butter and brown sugar.

Dessert: 1 Ice pop. 5 Oreo cookies and a glass of milk.

Carbs 5. Sarge 0.

Halloween

I forgot to write about Halloween.

All I have to say is that Piko de Gallo got rooked at the "Harvest Fest" on base.

It would seem that nobody appreciates homemade costumes anymore!

She won 4th in the costume contest. And it was really a non-prize. One of the ladies handing out the prizes was the only one that thought she should have won, and sneaked her a prize.

Granted she looked like she was going to work on the strip, but she was very cute.


Sorry about the creepy painted over face, but it is Sarge's only request about this blog, that I not post pictures of her face.

Look, I'm a Halloween costume snob. And I blame my Mom. I don't think that we ever left the house with a store bought costume. We either made our own with whatever we could find around the house, or Mom slaved away for a month and made us something special. I would like to do the same for Piko de Gallo too. We were at the "Harvest Fest" and there were several other mermaids there, but they were all the same. I like that Piko de Gallo had an original costume, and nobody else looked like her. I'm not saying that store bought costumes are bad, or that they all suck. I know that not everyone has the time or the inclination to make something every year, and I'm sure that when she gets older and wants something from the store, I'll cave and buy her something. For now I have the time to make costumes, and it's kind of fun for me.

Sure in the end she did not lose to another "Ariel", the winners were a zombie cheerleader, a witch, and a power ranger.

But after sewing about 500 sequins to that damn fish tale, and making 15 realistic clay shells to glue to that crown, I WOULD LIKE A LITTLE RECOGNITION!!!

"Today is not about you." Sarge had to remind me.

The best part about the night was as we were leaving for the "Fest", she was standing by the door petting her costume and saying "I look pretty! I look so pretty!"

Sarge's New Diet

So at dinner tonight Sarge announced that next week he is going to go CARB FREE!

Oooookay?

Sarge came back from his deployment a svelte 180lbs. He was going to the gym daily, swimming, and eating grilled chicken salads for dinner. Granted I was trying to foil his plans of weight loss by sending him chocolate chip cookies, twizzlers, marshmallow fluff, and creme crackers. He looked great when he got home, and don't get me wrong, he still looks great.

But since he has been home, we have gone to Maine, and I think I have mentioned before what a caloric nightmare that was. He has also not been going to the gym regularly, and he has been eating my home cooking. Like I said, Sarge still looks great, but he has gained about 10 lbs. And it's all on his belly. (I constantly tell him that it is all part of my evil plan to make him chubby so no other women look at him)

So back to the CARB FREE diet.

Now, I'm no fan of this, and I will not be participating. I will reduce the amount of carbs I will eat, but to me cutting them out entirely is just kind of crazy. I'm sure that he has not intentions to maintain that diet for the rest of his life, so this just smacks of "fad diet" to me. I guess he wants to lose the spare tire.

The rest of this week we will slide gently into this "diet" by cutting back on carbs, and then next week, he's going cold turkey.

I'm sure I'll be e-mailing The Librarian with questions like:

Is instant oatmeal a carb?


No really, is it?

Things That Make You Go...GAH$*&%##@!***!!BRAHSHSFF!

Well, not really, but kind of.

While Sarge is not exactly True Wife Confessions worthy, there are some things that he does that leave me wondering.

Exhibit A:
I guess someone could not find the small ziploc bags this morning. I know I'm crafty like that hiding them by placing them directly in front of the large ones!
I think that it's time that someone had a promotion from Sarge to CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS!!!











Exhibit B:
I find this every day when I wake up. Notice the hamper is not three feet away from the discarded shorts. This is actually not that bad because usually there are some undies and socks along with the shorts, and sometimes a t-shirt.
Sarge did actually explain this phenomenon to me later. He says that the stuff on the floor right next to the bed is stuff that he is going to wear later. It's not actually dirty. So all this time I have been picking up the clothes from the floor and putting it in the hamper. Sarge has been wondering where his "after work shorts" have absconded to, and I'm wondering why he uses so many pairs of underwear a week.

Granted I'm not perfect. I'm sure Sarge hates that I keep all my unfinished crossword puzzles filed in a pile next to the bed. And that I refuse to maintain his orderly shoe filing system in the hall closet, when I bother to put my shoes in there at all.

I guess we're even.

Why I Am Mommy de Gallo

I used to be known as Piko's Mom. That's what all of Piko de Gallo's friends call me. However I never really thought about how Piko herself thinks of me. So, I asked her.

Hey, what's your name?

"Piko de Gallo!"

What's Daddy's name?

"RealFirstName de Gallo"

What's MY name?

"MOMMY de Gallo!!!"

Apparently I as a person have ceased to exist.
I am Mommy, Mommy am I.

Midweek Observation

I saw a commercial for a new show that Discovery Channel is putting on this season. It's called Man Vs. Wild. It's along the vein of Stranded, and Survivor Man. Guy gets dropped off in the wild with only the basics, and teaches you how to survive.

What I thought was really appealing about this new show is the host. Bear Grylls. Totty plus survival skill, YUM!

And then the more I saw of the show, I began to notice something.

Hot-cha-CHA! And I get to stare at him every week. Hopefully while sliding down a mountain his shirt will get ripped off or something equally exciting.

Eye M Stoopid

So Sarge and I were driving around Fairfax yesterday after taking Piko de Gallo to the 18th Century Farm Market at the Claude Moore Colonial Farm (a strange but fun experience in and of itself)(Which is next to the George Bush Center for Intelligence!!! We laughed...and laughed....and then I had to stop, because of my own stupid). Sarge is applying for a job in NoVa, up near Dulles Airport, so we are toying with the idea of becomming first time home buyers. Sarge says he does not want to be 40 and never owned his own home. Me I'm content to live in whatever housing the military gives us. It's a whole comfort zone thing I guess.

Anyway, on to the stoopid.

I'm looking at the map and I ask in all seriousness.

"So, West Virginia. That's it's own state right?"

"YES!" Sarge replies. "Way to go college girl!"

In my defense, the map we have has a little map that says WESTERN Virginia.

Edited to add: Actually that justification makes me look even stupider as really, I should just know that West Virginia is a state.

The 20 Longest Minutes of My Life

Naturally a de Gallo trip to Maine can't all be good eatin' and crack.

There was the 20 minute ride to "The Island" (Bar Harbor). 20 minutes I will never get back. 20 minutes of brain cells dying a slow and painful death. 20 minutes of wishing I was in a room filled with people, being forced to remember names.

What could have been that bad?

I'll tell you.

A 20 minute conversation about the leaves turning.

So I'm not a country gal, but I can admire nature's beauty, and the loveliness of the season. I like the fall, I like the golden leaves. FABULOUS!! However, 20 minutes of talking about it can grate a tad.

And the participants in this conversation were not people who are not used to seeing this phenomenon (like me, I'm from Hawaii, the leaves never change there. On my first winter trip to the East I actually asked why there were so many dead trees. I failed to grasp the concept of leaves falling off for the winter.). These are East Coast lifers, people who have spent up to 80 years watching the leaves turn.

I'm just an ass, because these ladies were just trying to be nice, but my brain still melted.

Crack

There is something about Piko de Gallo that cracks me up (hur-hur).

Because she has no waist, her pants just will not stay up. And I think that we teased her a little too much about wearing her pants "like grandpa" that she tends to pull them low on her hips.

That killer combo leads to many incidences like this

A little lobster in my pot

Other than the lack of Starbucks, and over abundance of Dunkin' Doughnuts, Maine was pretty darn cool, fattening, but cool.

The in-laws have a new neighbor who is a (very hot, in that no collar, working class kind of way, plus he is a redhead.)lobster fisherman, and gets them their lobsters on the cheap, $3.50 a pound. Father in Law (FIL) decided that upon the glorious return of his golden boy son a lobster feast was in order. The man ordered 20 lbs of lobsters!! That's right, 20 lbs!!! That came out to about 22 lobsters. 22 lobsters for 5 adults and 2 children!! I think that I ended up eating about 3 tails and 1 whole body, and maybe 4 claws. With about 1/2 cup of butter of course. Surprisingly I did not get the lobster shits the next day.

Food at the in-laws (IL's) is just crazy. I feel like all we do when we go there is eat and eat some more. And that bastard Sarge introduced me to the wonders of fried dough at the Fryeburg fair. I had never heard of such a thing. Whenever we have gone to a county fair there has only been funnel cake, which I am not that big a fan of. But fried dough, it's heaven in hot oil. I was very excited to know that Sarge's grandmother makes a killer fried dough, and that she had plans to make some for us. I had my notepad at the ready to capture her secret recipe. I was a bit disappointed when she pulled a bag of store brand white bread dough out of the freezer. However I was not sad the next morning when she had the Crisco a bubbling and a slab of fried dough with butter, powdered sugar and cinnamon waiting on the counter for me. Deep fried heaven.

Eating out in Sarge's town is great as well. Only 5 minutes from his parent's house is Jordan's Snack Shop. They make the best chocolate shakes, crab rolls, crinkle fries, fish sandwiches, cheeseburgers, and onion strings. The past two times we have been to Maine it was Christmas, so Jordan's was closed. Lucky for us they were open until the end of October this year. And you know we were there just about every other day.

The day that we spent at the Freyburg Fair was a nutritional diaster. Other than the glasses of orange juice that we had for breakfast, we did not eat a single healthy thing. Fair food was the menu of the day. Pizza, Fried Dough, Kettle Corn, Ice Cream, Cotton Candy, Gyro's. My arteries are hardening just thinking about it. And then we went home and had a marshmallow roast to round the day out.

In the end the only member of our family who lost weight on our trip to Maine was the dog. Here she is having a swim at the IL's camp...brrrr that water was cold. Well, there would be a picture if I could get one to load.

Coffee

Well, I can report that there is no Starbucks in Ellsworth, Maine.

They do have Dunkin' Doughnuts, and one of those Coffee-On-The-Go drive thru shacks.

I'm just not that desperate. It's not like the in-laws don't have a working coffee maker, it's just that when they brew, it's usually a 2 Tbsp. grounds, to 12 cups water ratio. So I have to drink about 5 cups to get me through the morning, 10 cups if I know we're going to go a visitin', and if I really wanted to pee that much, I'd just drink tea. When I brew it up at home, my spoon practically stands up in my cup.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly a huge fan of Starbucks, it's a bit pricey for me, and I think I make a better cuppa at home. It's just one of those conveniences that I enjoy on occasion. I suppose that I could just go to McD's as they are now serving iced coffee. Probably much cheaper too. I guess to me a Starbucks on every corner is a symbol of civilization. Does that make me some kind of snob?

So I mentioned that Ellsworth has a Dunkin' Doughnuts. Well, every single little town and hamlet here in "Downeast" Maine has at least one, sometimes even two. I am serious. The first time I came to Maine 7 or 8 years ago, I made a joke that it's all pretty much the same. Each town is School, Main Street, Church, Dock, Blueberry field. Lather, rinse, repeat.

These days it's School, Church, Dunkin' Doughnuts, Main Street, Curves, Dock, Blueberry patch. I think Dunkin' Doughnuts and Curves have entered into some kind of evil covenant here in Maine. But by the looks of things around here Dunkin' Doughnuts is coming out ahead in this deal.

Sarge Sucks

Today I looked out the window and saw Sarge getting his new shopvac (The Librarian and I broke his old one vacuuming the dog) out of the shed. He mows, he rakes, he sweeps, he vacs. I look out about 15 minutes later and see him vacuuming Piko de Gallo's sandbox (he was just finishing up, so I couldn't get a picture).

You know, I realize he just came home from 6 months in the desert, but seriously?

He claims that he was getting leaves out, and he was too lazy to bend down to pick them up.

Riiiiiiight....

300

This is the only movie I want to see next year. I probably wont get to see it in the theatre, but damn it all if I am going to try.

300 Trailer

The trailer is pretty awesome, and you can check out some of the production journals here or on YouTube (key words Frank Miller 300). I think that they have done an excellent job translating the Frank Miller graphic novel into a movie.

Double bonus points for David Wenham in leather pants.