Things That Make You Go...GAH$*&%##@!***!!BRAHSHSFF!

Well, not really, but kind of.

While Sarge is not exactly True Wife Confessions worthy, there are some things that he does that leave me wondering.

Exhibit A:
I guess someone could not find the small ziploc bags this morning. I know I'm crafty like that hiding them by placing them directly in front of the large ones!
I think that it's time that someone had a promotion from Sarge to CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS!!!











Exhibit B:
I find this every day when I wake up. Notice the hamper is not three feet away from the discarded shorts. This is actually not that bad because usually there are some undies and socks along with the shorts, and sometimes a t-shirt.
Sarge did actually explain this phenomenon to me later. He says that the stuff on the floor right next to the bed is stuff that he is going to wear later. It's not actually dirty. So all this time I have been picking up the clothes from the floor and putting it in the hamper. Sarge has been wondering where his "after work shorts" have absconded to, and I'm wondering why he uses so many pairs of underwear a week.

Granted I'm not perfect. I'm sure Sarge hates that I keep all my unfinished crossword puzzles filed in a pile next to the bed. And that I refuse to maintain his orderly shoe filing system in the hall closet, when I bother to put my shoes in there at all.

I guess we're even.

Why I Am Mommy de Gallo

I used to be known as Piko's Mom. That's what all of Piko de Gallo's friends call me. However I never really thought about how Piko herself thinks of me. So, I asked her.

Hey, what's your name?

"Piko de Gallo!"

What's Daddy's name?

"RealFirstName de Gallo"

What's MY name?

"MOMMY de Gallo!!!"

Apparently I as a person have ceased to exist.
I am Mommy, Mommy am I.

Midweek Observation

I saw a commercial for a new show that Discovery Channel is putting on this season. It's called Man Vs. Wild. It's along the vein of Stranded, and Survivor Man. Guy gets dropped off in the wild with only the basics, and teaches you how to survive.

What I thought was really appealing about this new show is the host. Bear Grylls. Totty plus survival skill, YUM!

And then the more I saw of the show, I began to notice something.

Hot-cha-CHA! And I get to stare at him every week. Hopefully while sliding down a mountain his shirt will get ripped off or something equally exciting.

Eye M Stoopid

So Sarge and I were driving around Fairfax yesterday after taking Piko de Gallo to the 18th Century Farm Market at the Claude Moore Colonial Farm (a strange but fun experience in and of itself)(Which is next to the George Bush Center for Intelligence!!! We laughed...and laughed....and then I had to stop, because of my own stupid). Sarge is applying for a job in NoVa, up near Dulles Airport, so we are toying with the idea of becomming first time home buyers. Sarge says he does not want to be 40 and never owned his own home. Me I'm content to live in whatever housing the military gives us. It's a whole comfort zone thing I guess.

Anyway, on to the stoopid.

I'm looking at the map and I ask in all seriousness.

"So, West Virginia. That's it's own state right?"

"YES!" Sarge replies. "Way to go college girl!"

In my defense, the map we have has a little map that says WESTERN Virginia.

Edited to add: Actually that justification makes me look even stupider as really, I should just know that West Virginia is a state.

The 20 Longest Minutes of My Life

Naturally a de Gallo trip to Maine can't all be good eatin' and crack.

There was the 20 minute ride to "The Island" (Bar Harbor). 20 minutes I will never get back. 20 minutes of brain cells dying a slow and painful death. 20 minutes of wishing I was in a room filled with people, being forced to remember names.

What could have been that bad?

I'll tell you.

A 20 minute conversation about the leaves turning.

So I'm not a country gal, but I can admire nature's beauty, and the loveliness of the season. I like the fall, I like the golden leaves. FABULOUS!! However, 20 minutes of talking about it can grate a tad.

And the participants in this conversation were not people who are not used to seeing this phenomenon (like me, I'm from Hawaii, the leaves never change there. On my first winter trip to the East I actually asked why there were so many dead trees. I failed to grasp the concept of leaves falling off for the winter.). These are East Coast lifers, people who have spent up to 80 years watching the leaves turn.

I'm just an ass, because these ladies were just trying to be nice, but my brain still melted.

Crack

There is something about Piko de Gallo that cracks me up (hur-hur).

Because she has no waist, her pants just will not stay up. And I think that we teased her a little too much about wearing her pants "like grandpa" that she tends to pull them low on her hips.

That killer combo leads to many incidences like this

A little lobster in my pot

Other than the lack of Starbucks, and over abundance of Dunkin' Doughnuts, Maine was pretty darn cool, fattening, but cool.

The in-laws have a new neighbor who is a (very hot, in that no collar, working class kind of way, plus he is a redhead.)lobster fisherman, and gets them their lobsters on the cheap, $3.50 a pound. Father in Law (FIL) decided that upon the glorious return of his golden boy son a lobster feast was in order. The man ordered 20 lbs of lobsters!! That's right, 20 lbs!!! That came out to about 22 lobsters. 22 lobsters for 5 adults and 2 children!! I think that I ended up eating about 3 tails and 1 whole body, and maybe 4 claws. With about 1/2 cup of butter of course. Surprisingly I did not get the lobster shits the next day.

Food at the in-laws (IL's) is just crazy. I feel like all we do when we go there is eat and eat some more. And that bastard Sarge introduced me to the wonders of fried dough at the Fryeburg fair. I had never heard of such a thing. Whenever we have gone to a county fair there has only been funnel cake, which I am not that big a fan of. But fried dough, it's heaven in hot oil. I was very excited to know that Sarge's grandmother makes a killer fried dough, and that she had plans to make some for us. I had my notepad at the ready to capture her secret recipe. I was a bit disappointed when she pulled a bag of store brand white bread dough out of the freezer. However I was not sad the next morning when she had the Crisco a bubbling and a slab of fried dough with butter, powdered sugar and cinnamon waiting on the counter for me. Deep fried heaven.

Eating out in Sarge's town is great as well. Only 5 minutes from his parent's house is Jordan's Snack Shop. They make the best chocolate shakes, crab rolls, crinkle fries, fish sandwiches, cheeseburgers, and onion strings. The past two times we have been to Maine it was Christmas, so Jordan's was closed. Lucky for us they were open until the end of October this year. And you know we were there just about every other day.

The day that we spent at the Freyburg Fair was a nutritional diaster. Other than the glasses of orange juice that we had for breakfast, we did not eat a single healthy thing. Fair food was the menu of the day. Pizza, Fried Dough, Kettle Corn, Ice Cream, Cotton Candy, Gyro's. My arteries are hardening just thinking about it. And then we went home and had a marshmallow roast to round the day out.

In the end the only member of our family who lost weight on our trip to Maine was the dog. Here she is having a swim at the IL's camp...brrrr that water was cold. Well, there would be a picture if I could get one to load.

Coffee

Well, I can report that there is no Starbucks in Ellsworth, Maine.

They do have Dunkin' Doughnuts, and one of those Coffee-On-The-Go drive thru shacks.

I'm just not that desperate. It's not like the in-laws don't have a working coffee maker, it's just that when they brew, it's usually a 2 Tbsp. grounds, to 12 cups water ratio. So I have to drink about 5 cups to get me through the morning, 10 cups if I know we're going to go a visitin', and if I really wanted to pee that much, I'd just drink tea. When I brew it up at home, my spoon practically stands up in my cup.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly a huge fan of Starbucks, it's a bit pricey for me, and I think I make a better cuppa at home. It's just one of those conveniences that I enjoy on occasion. I suppose that I could just go to McD's as they are now serving iced coffee. Probably much cheaper too. I guess to me a Starbucks on every corner is a symbol of civilization. Does that make me some kind of snob?

So I mentioned that Ellsworth has a Dunkin' Doughnuts. Well, every single little town and hamlet here in "Downeast" Maine has at least one, sometimes even two. I am serious. The first time I came to Maine 7 or 8 years ago, I made a joke that it's all pretty much the same. Each town is School, Main Street, Church, Dock, Blueberry field. Lather, rinse, repeat.

These days it's School, Church, Dunkin' Doughnuts, Main Street, Curves, Dock, Blueberry patch. I think Dunkin' Doughnuts and Curves have entered into some kind of evil covenant here in Maine. But by the looks of things around here Dunkin' Doughnuts is coming out ahead in this deal.

Sarge Sucks

Today I looked out the window and saw Sarge getting his new shopvac (The Librarian and I broke his old one vacuuming the dog) out of the shed. He mows, he rakes, he sweeps, he vacs. I look out about 15 minutes later and see him vacuuming Piko de Gallo's sandbox (he was just finishing up, so I couldn't get a picture).

You know, I realize he just came home from 6 months in the desert, but seriously?

He claims that he was getting leaves out, and he was too lazy to bend down to pick them up.

Riiiiiiight....

300

This is the only movie I want to see next year. I probably wont get to see it in the theatre, but damn it all if I am going to try.

300 Trailer

The trailer is pretty awesome, and you can check out some of the production journals here or on YouTube (key words Frank Miller 300). I think that they have done an excellent job translating the Frank Miller graphic novel into a movie.

Double bonus points for David Wenham in leather pants.

Hi-ho-Hi-ho Off To Maine We Go

Sarge is packing up the minivan and driving us all up to Maine for a lovely fall family vacation. Yay.

In truth I am looking forward to going to Maine. It's beautiful, it's clean, the people are friendly, but holy crap is it far away. We don't go by plane, or bus, or train, we drive. All 15 hours, straight. People think that we are crazy, but we figure by the time that we have driven 10 hours, we're almost there so we may as well go the rest of the way. After making this trip at least 8 times in the past 5 years, we've finally invested in an EZPass and some audio books.

Maine is awesome. As I have said before it's beautiful, clean, and friendly. Sarge is from a town up north, or Downeast, or whatever the hell they say, called Ellsworth. It's between Bangor, and Bar Harbor, so it gets a lot of traffic during the summer. It's rather small, and the kind of "New Englandly" type place that you might imagine from a Stephen King novel. Sarge cant go to the Shop N' Save without running into some of the same guys he worked with 14 years ago. There are lobster pounds, blueberry patches, Church dinners, and a main street called "Main Street".

Every time we go there, it's drive through the town, point out the new traffic lights, drive by the "old" house, stop at his mom's office, stop at his dad's store, eat lunch at China Hill, stop at Marden's and Reny's, get my ring checked at Pyramid Studios. Take the Piko and the dog down to the shore to collect shells, and wade in the icy cold Atlantic. That is pretty much our vacation every time we go.

HOWEVER all this fun is interspersed with visits by family, to family, old friends, people we don't know. It's like my worst nightmare. People. People I have to make polite inane conversation with. "How's the weather been?", "Had a nice summer?", "The leaves are turning quite nicely this year", "Looks like you're headed for a cold winter". "Did you hear that 'So-And-So's' Son 'What's-His-Name' got arrested? I tell you it's the drugs". All this while Sarge and his dad escape to the garage for a beer and a smoke.

Gods I hope that they have opened a Starbucks.

Hello?

Oh Sarge, you are the greatest. You mow the lawn, take out the trash, put the seat down, play with Piko de G, give me back rubs, let me control the remote during prime time, and you explain sports rules and statistics to me without being an ass.

So I say this with the greatest of love and respect.

The whole "Call me when you're ready to pick me up" thing only works IF YOU ACTUALLY TURN ON YOUR PHONE!!!!

Please turn on your phone, I'm ready to pick you up.

Dubious Achievement of the Day

56 hits in a row on Piko de G's Dora the Explorer paddle ball.
Go me.

Overheard at Dinner

Well, I actually didn't hear it myself, but Sarge told me about it later.

Myself, Sarge, The Librarian, and Piko de G were invited to dinner. Holy crap! Yes it's true, we do sometimes leave the house and socialize with other people. I met Harriet when I belonged to an on-line message board for mothers. All of the mothers on this board had children born in the same month. Anyhoo, I have not been on the board for about 2 1/2 years. However Harriet's Hot Husband is in the military and they were transferred to this area recently, so we have reconnected. It's good, because Piko de G has a new friend, and Harriet and Hot Husband are very, very nice. It's not so good because, well, now I have to socialize, and now that he is back, so does Sarge.

Well, this dinner we went to was at Harriet's house, her family was there, as well as two other families. Grrrreaaaat...more people, more NEW people. Now, I have to mention that Sarge is an enlisted member of the military, Hot Husband, and one of the other husbands there are members of the Officer's Corps. Usually enlisted and officer's don't socialize together, but Harriet and Hot Husband are cool(not snobs), and Sarge and Hot Husband don't even work at the same base.

Anyway, Sarge is already very uncomfortable, and not that happy about having to go to a dinner where he does not know anyone, thank goodness The Librarian was there. I thought it all went very well, but as we are getting in the car, Sarge tells us this:

Sarge: So I was talking to that other guy, and he asked me what kind of planes I flew. When I told him I'm not a pilot, I'm enlisted, he immediately stopped talking to me and turned around to talk to someone else.

WTF?!?! Who does that? Hello, enlisted are people too!!!

My Boyfrend's Back!

So Sarge has returned from his 6 month deployment. Hooray! His flight home was somewhat delayed and Piko de G and I missed our opportunity to get all dolled up for him.
However, the lack of posts has very much to do with the fact that my husband is home. But it's not what you think! Well, there is some of that too, but that's not what is keeping me off of the computer.
Having returned from 6 months in a 10X10 room that he shared with another person, Sarge is in a cleaning up, moving stuff around mood. Don't get me wrong, he relaxed, for about a day! And he did have to go to the military "Reintigration Training" or as I refer to it, the "Don't Kill Your Wife" training and seminar. So by the fifth day of being home he was pretty antsy to have something useful to do. Unfortunately for me that meant tackling the past 6 months of buildup in the hall closet, outside shed, laundry room, car, and master bedroom closet. I have been busy dealing with his 3 rucksacks of laundry, and chasing him around the house trying to make sure I spot where he moves things, so that I can find my rotary cutter, or glue gun the next time I need it.
I have to mention that these indoor projects all came around after he had already tackled the outdoors. He has mowed the lawn, weeded and cleared the garden flowerbeds, cleaned Piko de G's inflatable pool, scrubbed the slab deck, raked the yard, extended the dog's outdoor run, rearranged the patio furniture, and washed the dog.
He's been back a week.
God's help me, I'm even suggesting he play golf as a ploy to keep him out of my kitchen. I'd never find my Microplane.

Patriotic

I was talking to the Librarian last night about going to pick up Sarge at the airport. I mentioned that I had found a small American flag for Piko de G to carry. "Oh no you didn't" was the Librarian's reply. I totally did, but I got it at the thrift store, and only paid $1.50.

So the Librarian suggested I go out and buy a crap load of those yellow ribbon magnets and plaster my car with it. "You know, one for every day that he was gone." She says. Yeeaaanhhh.........No.


It remided me of one magnet I saw that I really liked, but Sarge prohibits me from buying. I cant find the original one, but I made a mock up at Support Our Ribbons. I first saw this ribbon on a car on base, very brave, and very awesome I thought. Don't go thinking that our car is devoid of ribbon awesomeness though. We do have a "Support our Sox" ribbon, and a Collingwood Magpies flag on our trunk.

I am however kitting out Piko de G in her yellow dress and masses of yellow ribbons for her hair.

Meanie Barbarenie

So, Sarge is coming home from his 6 month deployment this week. Yay!
Anyhoo, I hate calling attention to myself, and really do not like to meet his work superiors. Mostly because I'm worried that if I ever see them again, I wont recognize them.

Remember in Heartbreak Ridge, Clint Eastwood and his guys come off the plane, and the big crowd is there to meet them. Families hugging, parents, wives, kids, whatever. And Clint is the only guy with no one running up to him, and he sorta walks through the happy crowd all alone, and then as he's nearing the back, he sees Marsha Mason. Cue crinkly Clint smile, and you know all is good.

Well, that's pretty much my position. I don't want to be in that huge crush of people, don't want my private moment captured for mass consumption by television cameras, don't want to talk to anyone but Sarge. I don't want to have to smile and nod when the Officers and Shirts thank me for the "sacrifice" I made by letting my husband do his job.

So yesterday in our semi-weekly phone call, Sarge lets me know the details of his return, and mentions that the "Big Wigs" will all be there too. I say, "Well, you know where I'll be." There's a bit of a silence, and he says, "Well, you can send Piko de G to the front then."

I'm feeling like a bit of an asshole.

YARRRR!!!

If we are at the gym and your mobile rings loud enough for me to hear it over my headphones. PLEASE ANSWER IT IMMEDIATELY!!! DONT LET IT RING 8 TIMES!!!
Ok, so it's not a ringing phone in a movie theatre, but I dont go to the movies anymore. So to me this is just as anoying.

What the?

I was watching Transporter 2 the other night Jason Statham....yummy....), and I noticed something that was very distressing. Was it the ridiculous ammount of impossible stunts? Jason Statham's uber-sexy voice? The excessive gratuitous violence? The fact that, that Audi had not a scratch on it?Jason Statham's bulging muscled arms? Ahem.
No... Well, yes, BUT, what I really noticed, and what especially bothered me was that formerly very cute Matthew Modine, has somehow turned into , Ed Begly Jr!!!!
There goes my Louden Swain fantasy...oh how I wanted to be Linda Florentino in 1985.

YES!

PIES 24.12(156)defeat the Blues 17.10(112)!! My boy Alan Didak finished with 26 possessions, 13 marks and two goals. WOOT! They are in 6th place on the ladder, and have a chance at making it to the Granny. No more Colliwobbles please!! GO PIES!